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Chapter: 10 The Biblical Definition Of
Marriage
There is much confusion in the church world today concerning marriage and divorce. Every church and denomination has different views on the subject, the Roman Catholics on the conservative side, have a very strict view concerning divorce and remarriage, and the liberal Protestant viewpoint, casually accepts divorce and remarriage as an almost normal occurrence in today’s society. God created man, and then later he created woman from man. It was Gods intention from the beginning that one woman and one man should spend their lifetime together. He showed his intent by creating only one man and one woman, not one man and many women or one woman and many men. Just one pair. God himself performed the first marriage ceremony when he created Eve and gave her to Adam to be his wife. He then commanded them to consummate their marriage and have children, and fill the earth with human beings. Adam and Eve then obeyed Gods command (after falling into sin) and began to populate the earth with their children. Genesis 4:1-2 NIV Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "with the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man." Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. At this time there was no command of God against marrying a brother or a sister, so Adam and Eves children married each other, and they too were fruitful and multiplied. Romans 4:15 NIV and where there is no law there is no transgression. What Is Marriage?
In mans eyes a marriage license and a ceremony performed by a pastor or a judge constitutes a legal marriage. In many states living together for a specified period of time as man and wife constitutes a “common law” marriage. A common law marriage gives the parties rights to each others assets should one of them die or if they separate. We need to look deeper into the subject and find out what constitutes a marriage in Gods eyes. Exodus 22:16-17 NIV "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. In the old testament God shows us that in his eyes sexual intercourse constitutes marriage. If a man seduced a woman and had sexual relations with her, the father of the girl had the right to demand that the man marry his daughter. If the father of the girl who was seduced disliked the man who violated his daughter and did not want her to be married to him, then the man who did the seducing still had to pay the price for a bride, which was 50 shekels of silver. This also included not only seduction, but rape. In some cases the rapist could face execution, if the woman was married or engaged. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NIV If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. In Deuteronomy God says that if a man rapes a woman who is not engaged to be married, he must marry her, and can never divorce her all the days of his life. This order would again be conditional on the father of the girls approval to allow his daughter to marry the man. The girl could discuss with her father whether or not she desired to marry the man. Much of the time it was not a stranger who was the rapist, but a boyfriend, similar to what is known today as "date rape." In the case of a date rape, or any rape, the father of the girl had the option of forcing the man to legally marry his daughter, with no possibility of him Ever divorcing her. This once again shows that God views sexual intercourse as the act that consummates a marriage, with or without a legal contract, Even in the case of rape. Rape Of An Engaged Woman
Deu 22:23-24 NIV if a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death--the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you. Deu 22:25-27 but if out in the country a man happens to meet a girl pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. Do nothing to the girl; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders his neighbor, for the man found the girl out in the country, and though the betrothed girl screamed, there was no one to rescue her. If a man raped a woman who was engaged to be married, death was the penalty under old testament law. This shows that God viewed the engagement as being already as binding as marriage. In God’s eyes, the pledge to be married is equal to marriage. So, anyone who has been engaged and broke it is the same as a divorced person. This is so because God tell us not to give our word on something frivolously, but to keep our promises, vows, and oaths.
Vows and Oaths
An agreement to be married is nearly as binding as the marriage itself, and this not only includes marriage, but all contracts, verbal or written. Matthew 12:36-37 NIV but I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for Every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Ecclesiastes 5:4 NIV when you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. Be careful in what you say, because God who sees and hears all things will hold you responsible for Every careless word you speak. Numbers 30:2 NIV when a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do Everything he said. When a man made a vow to God or an oath to obligate himself in some way it was as binding as a written contract. It is better not to make a vow, sign a contract, or casually agree to something, than to do so and later change your mind. Once you have given your word on something it is a sin to refuse to do whatever it is you agreed to. Our modern day athletes who continuously demand a new contract for more money when they already have a contract are sinning against God. Deuteronomy 23:21-23 NIV if you make a vow to the Lord your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the Lord your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the Lord your God with your own mouth. Ecclesiastes 5:5-6 NIV It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "my vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? According to the verses above loose and lying lips can lead to poverty if we anger God by our sin and he destroys the fruits of our labor because of it. Keep your promises, oaths and vows. Jesus expanded on the teaching that we are bound by whatever we say to include things we say without an oath. What Jesus was teaching here is that Even casual talk is as binding as an oath, and that all that is required is for a person is to let their yes mean yes, and no mean no. Matthew 5:33-37 NIV "again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' but I tell you, do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make Even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes,' and your 'no,' 'no'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Luke 12:-32 for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. When God speaks, he says that what he has spoken is as good as already done. Ezek 24:14 I the Lord have spoken it: it shall come to pass, and I will do it; I will not go back, neither will I spare, neither will I repent; Ezek 37:14 and shall put my spirit in you, and ye shall live, and I shall place you in your own land: then shall ye know that I the Lord have spoken it, and performed it, saith the Lord. We are created in the image of God, and he expects us to keep our word. The old saying that "a man is only as good as his word," is true. Sex Equals Marriage
Paul taught the same thing in the new testament, that a person who had sexual intercourse with anyone other than the one they were married to, was in effect marrying the person they were having illicit sexual contact with. 1 Corinthians 6:13 & 15-17 NIV "food for the stomach and the stomach for food"--but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, " the two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. The word prostitute does not apply only to those women or men who sell their favors for money, it includes anyone who agrees to a sexual relationship without being married or having an agreement to marry, both men and women. John 4:7-9 when a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "will you give me a drink?" (his disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, "you are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (for Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) John 4:16-19 he told her, "go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, " you are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." "sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. The implication above is that the Samaritan woman had lived with or had relationships with five other men before her present lover. Jesus indicated that in God’s eyes she had been married five times, but not legally in the eyes of the civil law. To God, sexual intercourse constitutes marriage. Anyone who has slept with more than one person in their lifetime, unless their first partner had died before they did so, is married and divorced. Marriage, in Gods eyes in not completed with paperwork. Sexual intercourse already makes a person married, from Gods point of view. The act of taking the vows of marriage is a public demonstration of the couples intent to remain together for a lifetime. If the couple has slept together before they spoke their vows, then they were already married according to Gods definition. From the scriptures it appears that Even an agreement to marry, an engagement, is considered to be as binding as marriage. Mary, A Pregnant Engaged Woman
Matthew 1:18-19 this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: his mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the holy spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. According to the bible Joseph would have had to divorce Mary to annul his engagement to her. From this it appears that even the agreement of two people to marry is considered to be sacred from God’s vantage point. This is the case because of what we have previously read about vows and oaths. Matthew 1:20-25 but after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the holy spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" --which means, " God with us." When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. Having a marriage legalized by the church and the government is similar to being baptized after a person comes to faith in Christ. Baptism is a public display of what has already taken place in a persons life, and a marriage ceremony is, in a sense, the same thing. So then, the summary of the matter is that there are three things that constitute a legal marriage in Gods sight, an agreement to marry, a religious or civil marriage contract or vows, and sexual intercourse. If you have done any of these things with more than one person in your lifetime, then you have been married and divorced, unless your first spouse had died before you did it the second time, or you are still with the very first person you ever made love to. Therefore, in God's eyes, almost all of us are divorced. That is why we have to be careful not to judge others. By God's standards, we are all guilty of some type of sin. Total perfection is God's standard. Rom 2:17-23 Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God; if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth--you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? James 2:8-13 if you really keep the royal law found in scripture, "love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, "do not commit adultery," also said, "do not murder." If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment! So then, since all of us are guilty before God in some manner of the sin of divorce, let’s not be too quick to judge others for their failures. According to God’s old testament law almost all of us are deserving of the death penalty. Old testament law is of course not in effect today, and we find mercy through Christ. (Mat 5:7 NIV) Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Chapter 11: > 11. Divorce |
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