Christian Dating
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Introduction
1. The Origins of Marriage 2. First Impressions 3. Dealing With Rejection 4. The Art of Conversation |
5. Keys to
Understanding Women 6. Persuasion 7. Dating: Asking For A Date 8. God's Rules for Intimacy 9. Adultery |
10. Biblical
Definition of Marriage 11. Divorce 12. Remarriage 13. Biblical Narrative Instructions 14. The Goal: A Biblical Marriage |
Chapter 2: First Impressions
Where To Meet Women
There are many books about the problems in relationships, but few books about how to start a relationship. We read these books about how to save our existing relationships because we feel we may not have any other choices. In many cases the relationships we are in should never have started in the first place, let alone continue. We stay with someone who liked us first even though we were not too attracted to them because we are afraid we may not attract anyone else for a long time, and then that person might be worse than the one we have now. You don’t have to stay in a bad relationship or settle for less than what you want in a woman when you know you have the power to attract one that is suitable for you. As I said in the introduction, this book has been written for single men. I’m not recommending divorce to those who may read this that are married. If you are already married you should seek Christian marriage counseling and engage in much prayer before divorcing. God can work a miracle in your marriage situation if you both commit to doing his will, first and foremost, but remember, it takes two to tango, so with marriage. Both parties have to work at it to make it work. Like the saying goes, "It works if you work it." Gen 2:18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Before we can begin anything we need to find a woman we are interested in. Where can we do this? The real answer to that is anywhere, but in order to speed up the process you need to frequent places where the kind of women you like congregate. If you want to find someone with at least some similar interests be sure to look in places that you are interesting to you. Churches and church functions, dances and dance classes, college classes, adult not for credit courses, support groups (we can all use some support, even the best of us) restaurants, shopping malls, grocery stores, fairs and festivals, health clubs, weddings, and anywhere that there is at least one unmarried woman. The best place though is probably a Christian singles group. Find a church that has a large one and get involved in helping. It doesn't matter what you do, set up, help serve snacks, clean up, or any other job. Working with a Christian singles group will enable you to meet the best women. The ones who are committed to Christ and involved in church work. It also gives you the opportunity to meet everyone who comes through the door. A great job is to be the greeter. That way you meet everyone. If you are a Christian man I suggest that a Christian singles group should be #1 on your list for finding a good wife. Be careful though, make sure the woman you ultimately choose to marry is fully committed to Christ, not one who is just husband hunting. A woman like that may "Lose her Religion" once the ceremony takes place. Then you will be in a world of hurt. Make sure the woman you choose was and is active in the church as a part of her normal lifestyle, with or without a man in her life. A woman who is fully commited to the Lord will be fully commited to you. if she is following God's will. When you are in a social situation and have the opportunity to meet new ladies, make a game of it for yourself. Every time you go somewhere and are near enough to talk to a woman, try to meet her. Find out if she is single. Even if you can tell already that you are not interested in her, who knows, perhaps she might have a friend who is just your type. Talk to everyone, be friendly, even to women you are not initially attracted to. Your future happiness may depend on it. Practice makes perfect, so have fun practicing talking to and understanding women. What could be a better, more fun, and cheaper hobby than that? Introducing Yourself
The best way to meet a woman you are interested in is to walk up to her and introduce yourself. After telling her your name, strike up a conversation about whatever pertains to where you are, what you both are doing, and what your surroundings are. If a concert at the church just ended after giving your name and getting hers, if she hasn't ran away, you might say great concert wasn't it? Then let her talk. Most women are good at it. Get them started and keep your mouth shut and everything will go fine. If you can squeeze a word in edgewise you might ask her out for coffee when she stops to take a breath. Its not coffee for coffee's sake. It's to find out her availability. She might say, no, I’m married, or I’m dating someone already. That's OK. That's what you want to find out. No sense wasting time with someone who is spoken for. It's not God's will for you to break up someone's marriage or even a relationship if a person is happy in it. Good relationships are too few and far between to be destroying someone else's. Leave other men's women alone and find your own. Treat other men's wives and girlfriends like you want other men to treat your girlfriend and wife when you find one. (Mat 7:12 NCV) "Do to others what you want them to do to you. This is the meaning of the law of Moses and the teaching of the prophets. The bottom line is, when you meet someone you are interested in find out right away what their status is. Don’t waste time about it. You will only kick yourself all the way home wondering if she's married or single if you didn't find out when you had the chance. Just ask. It might embarrass you a little bit when she says that is already in a relationship, but it won't kill you. Besides, there are not too many women who don’t enjoy having someone show an interest in them, or men either for that matter. She can go home feeling great knowing that she is still an attractive lady. You will be doing yourself and her a favor by showing a little interest. But like I said, if she's married or in a relationship, leave her alone. First Impressions
You Never Have A Second Chance To Make A
Good First Impression.
Try to make a good first impression because that is the one that will stay in her mind for a long time. It's difficult to undo a bad first impression. The first time you meet a woman you are interested in, your words should make her feel good. Be positive, be complimentary, be creative. Break the ice by asking a question after your introduction. She replies, and a conversation ensues. Never let a woman think you are trying to pick her up for casual sex, but that you are looking for a relationship with someone. If a Christian woman feels you giving her attention for a sexual purpose, you are dead in the water. Women can make a decision about a man within minutes or even seconds of their first encounter. This is because both sides of a woman's brain work at the same time, unlike yours. You have to ring the bell in her head that says “Everything is all right with this guy so far.” What you say doesn't matter as much as how you say it. In other words your demeanor. Just be sure not to offend her. Your Objectives
Your first vital objective is to get her name and introduce yourself. Your second vital objective is to find out at least one of her interests. You must establish common ground or a way of being related. Your third vital objective is to get her telephone number, business card or email address, or give her yours. You will need to be able to contact her somehow if you wish to see her again. Even if she doesn't give you a way to contact her don’t despair. In this day and age a woman has to be careful. There are a lot of nuts out there. She may just be cautious and hesitant about giving out personal information to a new acquaintance at the first meeting. If so, try to find out if she will be coming to wherever you are at again next week or at any time in the future, that is if you are really interested in her. If she won't give you an answer to that then take the initiative. Give her your number and tell her to call you. A business card is best, it's not thrown away as easily as a napkin, a matchbook or a scrap of paper. If you are really interested in getting a call from a certain woman someday, get some refrigerator magnets for business cards at the dollar store and put your card in one of those before you give it to her. If she loses that one it's a lost cause. If you don't have a business card, make one up. You are on a computer reading this so you have the skills to do it. Just buy some blanks at the office supply store and make some up. You don't need a business to have a business card. I find it's easier to give people a card with my phone number on it than to write it down all the time. The cards you make will come in handy for more things than just dating. Future Imaging systems makes great cards. You can design you own on their website. They have all styles and catagories for work and hobbys to choose from. For about $30.00 you can get a hundred. Believe me, they are woth it. Check them out at: http://a1bizcards.com/samples.asp
The Eyes Have It
Psa 19:8 The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. Luke 11:34 Your eye is the lamp of your body . When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. According to one survey, the first thing a woman notices about a man is his eyes, followed by his height, his hair, his weight, and his body. So then, initial eye contact with a woman is very important. The old saying that “the eyes are the window into the soul,” is very correct in the case of women sizing up a man they have just met. If a woman tells you that you have nice, honest, or friendly eyes, you have made a lot of progress with her already. Making eye contact with a woman with a woman when you first meet her is one of the most important things you can do. But you have to look into her eyes, not at her body. If you don’t like to make direct eye contact, focus on the bridge of their nose. The best time to make eye contact with a person is when they are speaking to you. When you are speaking to them you may look other places because they know that they have your full attention because you are talking to them. That way you are not staring at them all the time but you are constantly showing interest in one way or another. Flirting
Flirting is an important part of meeting ladies and enjoying their company. Flirting can be done both verbally and with body language. Some men think flirting is childish, stupid, false, unnecessary or ridiculous; but whenever you use your body language to communicate with women, or are any way playful or romantic, you are in essence, flirting. Practice playful flirting with some of your lady friends. Don’t lead them on to deceive them, in most cases women enjoy a little attention, Even if they are not interested in you and you are not really interested in them. See if you can make her smile. See if you can be witty. See if you can make her laugh. See if you can get women to talk with you and share their life with you. Its a confidence and self esteem builder for both the man and the woman. And remember, smile, smile, smile!!! Be Happy! If you are not happy, then read " Happy, Joyous & Free " and become happy. Then you will be a fun person to be around. Body Language
Your body language is also important. You may be the friendliest person in the world, but if you habitually avoid eye contact, cross your arms, stare at the floor, and refuse to smile, you are communicating anti social messages to others: I’m not friendly, I don’t want to talk, I’m thinking, don’t bother me. leave me alone. If you don't want to be alone, then don't act like it. Remember Her Name
Using each others names in conversation builds intimacy. It creates the illusion that the two of you aren't strangers, even though at that point you actually are. It helps to persuade a woman that you are like an old friend. After you find out what her name is, then ask what her friends call her. Then start to call her by that name. (If she allows it) It will make her feel more comfortable with you. Repeat the persons name as often as possible at first to burn it into your memory. It's embarrassing to have to ask it again later when they remember yours. Write it down in the rest room if you have to along with a few notes about her, so you can look it up later if you need to. I used to write down the names of new people I met in the back of my bible. Opening Lines
A large part of making a good first impression is to use a good opening line when meeting a new lady. Hi, hello, and nice day isn't it? May not be show stoppers, but they're infinitely superior to silence when it comes to making new friends. Below are some more opening lines. Some may be kind of stupid, but when you meet someone you are really attracted to, That's when it may be hardest to talk. If you commit a few openers to memory you can get through those first few awkward opening seconds without making a complete fool of yourself. If you only make half a fool of yourself you will be way ahead of most guys. 1. Hi, are you ladies having a good time tonight? 2. How are you doing? 3. You look like you're enjoying yourself. 4. Hi, how are you? 5. You look like you're having fun. What's going on? 6. I couldn't help noticing you. 7. Hello how are you? My name is "full name". 8. You really stand out of the crowd. And I wanted to meet you. 9. You don’t seem too happy today, anything wrong? 10. Make a nice comment about her clothes. 11. Are you having a good time? 12. Ask a question, even if you know the answer. Some things women in the 90’s (now the 2000's) are sick of is any comment that begins with hey babe, hey baby, chick or sweetheart. Anything that is sexual or pertains to her anatomy. Avoid sexist comments like the plague. Find about a dozen openers that fit your personality to use in different situations. Practice and rehearse them until you can repeat them in your sleep. Write them down if you have to and keep them in your wallet until you have them memorized. A person who is going to make a speech in front of a thousand people doesn't just wait and hope that the inspiration will come to him (or her) to give a great speech at the time. He would look like a fool up there when his mind was blank as he was about to speak. He writes the speech and practices it over and over until he knows exactly what he is going to say. Memorize ten or twelve opening lines for every situation. After while you won't need them, and if you are an extrovert you may not need them now. But if you have trouble when you first meet a new lady who takes your breath away, it's good to be prepared.As I said earlier, "failing to prepare, is preparing to fail" Flirting Is Selling
Flirtation is a game. Flirtation involves applying mild pressure to another person and them observing how that person handles it. One of the key functions of flirtation is to keep boredom at bay. When you flirt you create a little conversational friction. You avoid dull lifeless talk by throwing a bit of mild challenge and pressure into the mix. Be alert for chances to stir things up a little. Add a little dash of spice to the cake mix, so to speak.Stir the pot a little, but not enough to make her angry, just enough to make her interested. Make no mistake about it, when you are flirting you are advertising and selling yourself. Not physically or for money, but selling the idea to the lady that you are a nice person, a fun person, someone desirable to be with. You aren't just a man now, you're a salesman. If you are attracted to this woman then you have to put your best foot forward, you have to win her over to your side. Compliments (Verbal Flirting)
Make sure your compliments are sincere. Don’t just say any old stupid thing that doesn't even apply. If you are attracted to the girl then there must be something you can compliment her on. If there isn't anything you like about her then why are you wasting your time? Go find one you do like, and then compliment her. Whatever it is that attracts you, compliment her on it, but remember, no sexual connotations or vulgarity. Below are some samples, adjust the language to fit your style and add your own new ones to the list. Give a compliment to the ladies you are attracted to every time you see them. Then they will always have a smile on their faces when you are around.. Many women spend hours getting themselves ready to go out, so when you see a lady that looks like she has done so, try to offer her a sincere compliment on how nice she looks. Obviously, don’t do it if she's all grubby after a softball game and looks a wreck, unless its a joke, or you really do like grubby looking women. 1. You look beautiful! 2. You're beautiful. 3. I love your (eyes, hair, new dress, etc.) 4. You look like an angel. 5. You look real nice. 6. You look wonderful tonight. (Compliments of Eric Clapton, it works for him.) Those are just samples. Make up your own list that fit your personality. Say things that are comfortable to you. Be yourself. You are not trying to be someone else or use someone else's program. Be real. The purpose of memorizing a few nice things to say is to get through those first few tongue tied moments of terror and to start out each meeting with a new friend on the right foot. Don’t Put Yourself Down
Don’t ever put yourself down when getting to know a new friend. We all have faults, but there is no advantage in pointing them out to her right away. She will figure out your faults on her own soon enough. Don’t be negative in general. We are all different but God made us the each the way he saw fit. We are all valuable in his sight and we should be in our own also. For the same reason we shouldn't put other people down. Remember, God is their father also, and He made them too, just the way he wanted them. Dancing
One thing you need to do if you want to be popular with the ladies is learn how to dance. If you have no one to teach you take a class or buy a video. Ladies love to dance. If you don’t dance with them, someone else will. They (the men who dance) will have the opportunity to converse with the girls while you sit at the table in the corner bored to death. As one of my favorite female dance instructors has posted in her studio, “The man who can dance will never be alone” and she is correct. If your religion doesn't have a problem with dancing then by all means, become at least moderately good at it. Not only will it help you while you are single, but just as much after marriage. Women love romance, and slow dancing is one of the most romantic things a couple can do, especially after a nice dinner. A dance class is also a great place to meet some ladies. Weddings too are a place where dancing really comes in handy. At a wedding reception, almost every single woman is hoping that the next wedding will be her own. Opportunity knocks at wedding receptions, but only if you can dance. You don't have to be Fred Astaire, just be willing to get out on the floor and shake a leg. The rest will work itself out, and soon you will find that you are actually having fun dancing. Dating
Your dates don’t have to be anything expensive or elaborate, just a lunch or meeting for coffee is fine. Maybe she will be willing to teach you a dance step. Just getting together and going for a 3 mile walk and talking is a wonderful date. You need to get in the habit of doing this so it becomes normal and relaxing for you to spend time chatting and listening to women. This will give you a host of female friends to choose from when you have a real special place to go to like a family event such as a wedding or a reunion or a work gathering where you will feel awkward without a date. In addition it will prepare you for marriage later on. You need to get comfortable doing these things in order to keep your future wife happy and content for a lifetime. Chapter 3: > 3. Dealing With Rejection |
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